My sister and I cooked a yummy dinner tonight of breaded chicken, potatoes au gratin, and aspargus, complete with a berry cobbler for dessert.  Alex actually made the cobbler.  It was yummy.  I’m starting to realize how much I enjoy cooking and how much I detest eating out these days.  It’s so much more satisfying and less fattening to cook at home.  I can sense a trend forming

To-Do List:

1. Study for Learning Theories midterm (which is on Monday)
2. Turbo Kickboxing class Friday at 9am at 24 Hour Fitness
3. Private practice visit Friday at 2pm
4. Support group observation Friday at 7pm at some church in Irvine
5. Visiting my grandma in Palm Springs on Saturday
6. Disneyland on Sunday with Sheila
7. Buy bachelorette party stuff
8. Buy pink boa for my swan costume (for the Hyatt on Nov 1st)

I know it’s not a long list… but I felt the need to write everything down.

Ash and I bought our playboy bunny costumes a few days ago… it’s super cute

Except we got sparkly pink shoes to wear with it.  So basically, on the 31st I’m going to be the bunny (along with Ash… while Alex and Alan are twin Hugh Hefners LOL)… then on the 1st, at this club in LA that my sister is performing aerial at, I’m going to ditch the cotton tail and the bunny ears and be a swan (because the theme is Wonderland).  I wasn’t sure what Wonderland meant… but apparently it means fairy tale stuff…  I’m going with my sister’s friend Megan, and she’s going to be a flamingo… so it will be cute if I’m a swan, haha.  She made us masks, and they’re the CUTEST things ever.  Mine has white and pink feathers and a beak on it.  Haha.  I just need to add a pink (or white) boa to it and I’m all set.  Fun times.

It looks like I have arthritis of some kind.  The nurse didn’t go into detail on the phone, but she said I need to make an appointment with one of the internal medicine doctors.  So I called to make an appointment and the soonest I could get in is November 6th in the afternoon.  It looks like I have to wait a couple weeks to find out exactly what I have and to get treatment rolling.  I’ll probably also have to see a rheumatologist.

I’ve also done a lot of reading up on all different types of arthritis.  And now I’m really really hoping it isn’t Rheumatoid Arthritis because that’s pretty much the worst kind.  The others don’t seem so bad, but no matter what it is, I should be okay as long as I take care of myself and get the proper treatment.  I also need to eat a lot of fish for all those fish oils that are so essential for the body.  Looks like I have to eat sushi more often which is NOT a problem.  Also… potassium.  And a decent amount of daily exercise.  I’ll know more after my doctor appointment on the 6th though.

I’m pretty much convinced that the reason I developed arthritis so young is a mixture of my genetics and from gymnastics when I was younger.  Gymnastics caused me all sorts of physical problems, including tendinitis (which is often comorbid with arthritis).  I once had x-rays of my ankles (years after quitting gymnastics) and the doctor told me my ankles look like I could be middle aged just by how weak the bones looked.

One of the secondary causes of arthritis is sports/heavy athletic activity.  Another secondary cause is allergies, which I also have.  Genetics is a primary cause… and my mom has Psoriatic Arthritis.  I’m beginning to think that there’s no way I could have NOT developed arthritis… LOL.

The nurse at my doctor’s office called me while I was in class tonight and left a message.  She said that they need to follow up with me in regards to my blood test, that it isn’t an immediate emergency, but that I need to give her a call as soon as possible.  Of course by the time I got the message, which was during my break halfway through class, it was too late for me to call them back because the office was closed.  This SUCKS because now I’m probably going to be losing sleep over this.  I want to know what’s wrong with me.

The good news is that they’ve found something.  This means there will be no more guesswork, right?  Right now, as I’m typing this, I have extreme pain in my left thumb, my right wrist, my left elbow, and my left ankle.  So as I’m dealing with all this pain right now, part of me is just feeling really thankful that at least they know what it is, even if I don’t yet.  The other part of me is scared shitless about what it might be.  My mom said to relax because of the fact that they said it wasn’t an immediate emergency.  Their choice of wording isn’t a comfort to me at all.  Just because it isn’t an immediate emergency doesn’t mean that it isn’t serious.

My mom is still convinced that it’s a vitamin deficiency, or that I’m anemic.  Let’s just hope that it’s an easy fix and that I don’t have some chronic autoimmune disease.  I’ve never been given a major diagnosis before, so you can imagine my distress over this.

On a happier note… I got an A on my very first exam in grad school   I got a 47/50.  It’s a really good thing too because this midterm is worth 50% of our grade.  I have another midterm Monday next week so let’s hope that one goes just as gracefully as this one went.

I’ve been in a really bad mood lately.  If I didn’t have Alex right now I don’t know what I would do.  He’s pretty much been keeping me together.  Not many people know that I’ve been in a lot of pain for the last month.  I’ve been trying to just ignore it, but it’s gotten much worse in the last week.  It’s in my joints (like my wrists, fingers, knees, elbows, and sometimes even my neck).  It moves around, so it isn’t always in the same place one week as it was the last week.  I went to the doctor yesterday to have it checked out and she suggested Rheumatoid Arthritis, which scares the living shit out of me.  I had a blood test and they’re going to be testing for a lot of things to try to get to the bottom of this.  My mom thinks it’s probably just a lack of vitamins in my diet and that it’s nothing serious, which would be nice.  So I’m taking a lot of vitamins now.

People who don’t experience intense pain just don’t understand how debilitating it can be, both physically and emotionally.  I had to take a midterm this week and it was so difficult to focus being in this much pain.  And almost anytime someone asks something of me, I get very pissy and snappy.  It hasn’t helped that I’ve been extremely busy.  I have to work extra hours this week because there’s so much to do.  I also have a lot of stuff due next week for classes that I really need to get working on.  And there’s Ashley’s bridal shower on Sunday.  Normally I would have no problem taking on all these tasks if it wasn’t for this HORRIBLE PAIN ugh.

Alex and I are at the Bowers Museum in Santa Ana checking out the Terra Cotta Warriors exhibit. It’s pretty cool. The warriors were made during the Qin Dynasty in 221 BC China.

I’m taking a class this semester that is so unlike any class that I’ve ever taken before, and I always leave at the end of the night in a very strange/emotional state of mind.  It also tends to effect me at random times throughout the week.  It’s my group therapy class, and the structure of it is: for the first hour and a half we have a lecture about the way group sessions work and on the techniques the facilitator uses, or watch a video on group dynamics.  For the 2nd hour and a half, we have our training group.  The training group is like an actual support group, but it is also structured in a way to help us learn how groups work and the roll of the facilitator in the support group.  However, there are certain aspects of it (because it is a training group) that are different from normal support groups.

For the past few weeks or so, during our group sessions, we’ve had to share personal stories about ourselves, which other group members can then follow up with feedback about how the individual’s story has effected them and what parts of the story they could relate to.  Listening to what people have had to say about themselves has really effected me, primarily because I’ve never had anyone share such deep information with me before.  Clearly I cannot go into specifics about what has been said during our group sessions because that would be a breach of confidentiality.  But hearing people share such astronomical details of their lives has been quite an experience for me.  It makes me realize how little we know about everyone around us, and how WRONG our assumptions can be about one another.

In fact, one of the very first exercizes our professor/facilitator had us do in the group was to just look around the room at each classmate/group member and mentally decide what we think they must be like.  And she told us, “I guarrantee you, after a session or two of our group, the assumptions of each other that you just made are all going to be disproved.”  She was so right.  In fact, for the last 24 hours since our most recent group session, I’ve hardly been able to think about anything else.  I want to apologize to anyone I’ve ever misjudged because I realize now how little I’ve known.  An individual who outwardly shares so little of him/herself has more underneath than we could ever imagine.

I already feel a very special connection with the other people in my class, and I actually feel so honored to get the chance to meet people from the inside out.

The last few weeks of this class, however, have really made me realize how difficult it is going to be as a therapist.  As people share their deepest secrets, it’s very hard to not let it effect you, especially right there on the spot.  I’m going to have to hear about the most atrocious kinds of abuse and traumas, and yet I’ll have to fight all my immediate urges and just focus on the here and now with that individual.

All my other classes are standard lecture/midterm/final format though, haha.

I know it’s been awhile since I updated.  I’ve just been keeping my mind preoccupied with so many other things that I haven’t really even thought about this blog in awhile.  Anyway… to pick up from my last entry… everything was fine with the heart monitor, so it was definitely just anxiety.  I started trying some relaxation techniques (that Sarah recommended to me) everytime I get an attack, and they work pretty well most of the time!  So that’s good.

A little over a week ago on Friday night I saw Memphis (a musical) at the La Jolla Playhouse with Mike…  I completely fell in love with it.  The lead guy is flippin incredible and I think I have a major crush on him (too bad he’s gay haha).  I was just so amazed by his acting… and I think it’s actually the best acting job I’ve ever seen in a leading guy before (which includes all the many shows I’ve seen on Broadway).  I liked the show so much that I saw it again this past Thursday and I’m seeing it yet again tonight!  I know it’s crazy… but when you have an awesome friend who can get you however many free tickets you want… why not??

Switching topics now… yesterday Alex and I went hiking in Malibu.  We decided to do a 4.5 mile round trip hike to Escondido Falls in the Santa Monica Mountains.  When we got to the Falls… our map said that this was the turn around point for those not comfortable with a “bit of rock scrambling.”  We decided we were perfectly comfortable with a bit of rock scrambling (lol).  Little did we know that “a bit of rock scrambling” should have been called “a bit of mountain climbing.”  Some parts of this trail were so steep that they actually tied ropes onto branches for us to help us climb it.  It was super challenging, but also pretty fun.

HOWEVER… on our way back down we made a wrong turn (honestly we aren’t sure where we went wrong).  While the way we went did take us back down to where we started (at Escondido Falls), we sort of ran into a mishap.  Since we were not on the trail, we ended up running into a mini cliff that dropped down to the ground near where the falls were.  We had no choice but to just slide down the cliff on our asses.  Alex managed this a lot better than I did.  I have scrapes and cuts all over my ass and legs.  It hurt so bad that I actually started crying after.  And we still had to hike back.  What an insane adventure…

I went to the emergency room this morning.  What an awesome way to begin my day, huh?  I went because for the last few weeks, occasionally at night when I would lay down in bed I would notice my heart pounding really super fast.  It wouldn’t last that long though and I would eventually drift off to sleep and be fine the next day.  Last night though, it wasn’t letting up and I got really worried.  I did eventually get to sleep but I still felt like crap this morning, so I thought it would be best to make an appointment with a doctor for a complete physical.  The soonest they could get me in though was a week from tomorrow, and I didn’t want to wait on this so I went with my mom to the emergency room.

They did an EKG, a heart x-ray, a blood test, and a urine test, all of which came back totally normal.  But of course… my heart was beating just fine through all of this, and considering I really only get these strange palpitations at night when I lie down to bed, I wasn’t surprised.  So the doctor put me on a heart monitor that I have to wear for 24 hours, and I have to record on paper all my activities, times of activities, and any symptoms if there are any.  I’m going back tomorrow at noon to return the heart monitor so they can have a look.

I don’t think they’re going to find anything though because I’m pretty sure my problem is panic attacks/anxiety.  Lovely :\

Its a little chilly and gloomy at Laguna Beach this evening but I like the weather. It’s peaceful. And I got a new cut and lowlights today (getting ready for winter)!

I realize I haven’t been updating this blog as often as I would like, so I’m going to try to make quite an effort to write in here more, because there’s really no excuse for it.  I’m also going to try to get back into the swing of moblogging from my blackberry again.  Oh, and Twitter… well… that might be harder considering I never really was that much into Twitter.

I’ve sort of been having the time of my life in grad school over the past 2 weeks.  I absolutely love the program and I love Pepperdine.  My professors are awesome, as are my classmates.  I’ve met some pretty awesome people, and I’m just learning so much.  I’m starting to realize just how perfect this path in life is for me.  I think I can really do it well one day.

Right now Alex and I are watching Obama on Letterman (recordered from last night).  I love watching him   And to think we might have our first black president soon… that’s so exciting.  I really didn’t think that would ever happen.